I'm going though a real...

Charlie I want to give you some encouragement.

Charlie everyday is a new day. The greatness of a new day is we have a fresh start. I also want to let you know that God is very forgiving when we seek His forgiveness. He knows your heart. Remember He knows the heart of men!

Another wonderful thing for you to ponder is you would not have that guilt and shame of sin if God did not draw you to Jesus. Be thankful that God disciplines you, if He did not, that would mean you are not His child.

I really admire you for your strength to do all things in the open. I'm speaking about your words here. I'm going to share my testimony with you about when the Holy Spirit started doing a work in my heart and when God drew me to Jesus.

I was very much an alcoholic. I drank so much and I had from an early age. I in my late 20's and I knew I was an alcoholic, I even started to tell people that I was an alcoholic and people assured me I wasn't or I would not have been able to admit that. The only people who believed I was one way my husband and my parents. All the others that would try to encourage me by saying I wasn't and then would offer up their reasonings as to why they knew I was not. Obviously these that justified my drinking for me were party friends. They weren't thinking about me and loving me, they were thinking about themselves as to they didn't want to loose a party buddy. Out of all of those friends - I only have one of them still today.

But I knew I was and God knew I was. I didn't grow up in a Christian home, but now I look back over my life and I can see where God's hand was on my whole life and He even ordained for me to go to Christian private schools. Which when I was attending those, I hated it. Now I look back at those days and I'm so thankful for Him and my mom.

I didn't really know much about God, but I remember when He preserved my life several different times, He was who I called out to. Back then I thought that was odd and I use to ask myself why would I call out to God if I didn't believe there was a loving God. Because of my careless lifestyle and things that happened I can say without a doubt that I'm alive by the grace of God.

My last year of drinking I remember I would want to know who this God is that I kept crying out to. I would be trying to read a bible that someone had given us for our wedding present. I would be trying to read it (KJV) and I would be drinking and crying because I was drinking and also because I couldn't understand anything I was reading. After months of this, I remember crying out to God and telling Him that I wanted to quite drinking and I did not think I could. But I continued drinking and crying for months.

Then one night I was so ashamed of the wife I had become which was really no wife at all to my husband. I remember begging God to please remove my desire to drink.

I changed jobs and at my new job I had an co-worker there that was a Christian and I didn't know it at first, but God used her in my salvation. She never pushed God on me, she actually never even talked with me about God, she would talk with others about God and even in front of me, but never to me (Which is the way I wanted it. I didn't want anyone pushing their religion on me). I remember I wanted to hear the answers she would give to peoples questions so I would hide around the corner listening and run off if I heard them coming in my direction.

After some months of this, I was then ready to ask her questions that I really wanted answers to for a long time and I started asking her questions and she gently gave me answers, and by the way the answers were always something I never expected. She also knew I drank and she never condemned me for it.

It took a long time for me to quit drinking. You're lapse is so familiar. Please know that it's not an instant recovery and the desire will forever be gone. But know that God is doing a work in your heart and that is what He calls sanctification ( a continuing work). There will be a day that you will not even desire a drink. That day you will rejoice. There is an end and keep that in mind as you go through this season.

I will be praying for you! God Bless you Charlie.